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Bathing Suits...a tragic story of broken hearts and personal triumph.

Hello Beauties….

Have you missed me?   Okay I have to tell you I don’t have much online dating stuff to tell you because I have been spending a LOT of time with The Foreman and he is pretty amazing!  I am a pretty lucky girl…we are moving really fast and trying to move slow….its a weird thing but you know how it is.

This post however is about me (SUPRPIIIIIIIIISE!) and where I am at now health wise.

The scale has stalled and I started to do what I always do when I get stalled….I slide backwards – don’t work out as much….eat worse….don’t track!   I had a really disappointing day two weeks ago when I realized I didn’t track on the weekend and I lost my streak of days logging on MyFitnessPal.  I was pretty sad about that.   I gave myself a hug and a kick in the bum

If you don’t know you should check it out.   It works on the same idea as weightwatchers or any of those programs.   If you write it down, you will be accountable for it.  You can set your own goals or pick pre-set goals.  It helps you decide what your daily caloric intake to meet that goal (maintain, lose, lose lots, gain, gain lots) and then it will help you track your activity as well. 
The activity is marked in caloric intake (best if you have a fitness device for accuracy but not required) and you have the ability to eat some or all of your exercise calories.   It is recommended that you eat some of them though there are people who swear by not eating any.   I think it’s a fine balance between eating less and starving yourself.   Your body is a machine and it needs fuel.

Some days I eat them and some days I eat some of them and a couple of times I haven’t eaten them because I haven’t been hungry.   The reality is that you need to listen to your body and do what works for you.   This app (computer and mobile) is just about helping you be accountable and honest about what you are eating.    It has a bar code scanner so it makes it easy to input food on the go, has most restaurants you can think of, is crowd sourced so its constantly growing, it can important that cool new recipe you just found on and tracks other things like sugar/sodium/carbs/cholesterol etc if you are also watching those things. 

 It speaks back and forth with most activity trackers, can keep track of all your measurements and has a community message board for support, tips and kudo’s; and its free!

I digress….

I got back on track for the most part – I purchased towel service and a permanent locker at the gym so I couldn’t use the excuse of not wanting to carry my wet stuff all over town when I had plans after work.   I also started thinking about what I was eating again.   Don’t get me wrong I can do better some days but I am doing pretty darn good!   I mean I have lost 26 pounds so far!   I count that as a good success especially when you consider the scale hasn’t moved in over a month and I have had at least 5 weeks were I have not been able to go to the gym at all (sick etc)
BUT…..The scale kept not moving and I was starting to feel dejected….

until yesterday morning!

As many of you know I am taking almost a full month from work to go and visit Europe.  This trip has been in the works for over a year now and one of the things I did was order a new bathing suit for my trip when I bought the one for the gym.  I purposefully ordered it too small and when it finally game in (after already losing 15 pounds) I tried it on and freaked out!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Lord no.....this was going to be bad!

But then yesterday……I went to grab my bathing suit to go to the park and ….oh crap….its in the locker at the gym


I stared into the closet at the offending bathing suit that I had thrown into the corner, in a ball, after managing to finally get out of it and took a deep sigh ready to make myself feel even worse than I already did.

I mentally prepared myself for the workout about to come as I squished into this torturous sausage casing and then something happened…..

I slid right into it….(it looks just like this but different pattern and a pretty coral colour)

How did this magic happen?    I actually look kinda cute!  I mean don’t get me wrong I don’t look like she did but I look really cute and it fit.   The scale hasn’t moved but I have changed a lot.

Then I started thinking….I have seen a lot of changes in the last few months that have nothing to do with the scale
  •          I ran 3 solid blocks without dying….that may not seem like a lot to you but before running would have killed me.  EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT!   I chased my nephews and didn’t even realize I did it until I stopped!
  •          I have been able to climb higher and steeper with less stops and less loss of breath or chest pain
  •          I am able to lift more weight
  •         I have less back pain
  •          I am walking faster
  •          I can do other vigorous cardio activities for longer and with less fatigue!

 SO you know what…..
F^&*^ YOU SCALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I am still working on reducing my actual weight but I am measuring my success by more than just that number.

One side effect I have not enjoyed is everything currently feels less tight….except my butt!  I have less fat filling up the spaces so everything feels a bit more jiggly and I look better standing up but less good sitting down LOL.  One fight at a time right!

Let’s check out a few progress pictures shall we?

I am pretty sure this was 10 or 11 years ago….I was already having a hard time taking the weight off but I was trying really hard.  I look back now and would be totally happy here!  We did not know that I was already sick at this time.

This was almost 7 years ago….you can see a huge weight gain and I am really sick here but we don’t know it yet.  I have chronic headaches and vision issues.   I am unable to lose weight at all and I have almost given up.

This is 3 years ago…I was laughing at someone beyond the camera and I got caught here.   I have less and less photos from this time.   I am almost at my heaviest here.   I am supposedly “better” here but still having a really hard time losing weight and feeling really bad about it.   I had gone through the treatment for the Pseudo Tumor Cerebri and barely come out the other side.   

I had less headaches but was still having a hard time.  They have checked for Diabetes and Thyroid at least 5 times in the last 6 years.   They are stumped as to why I am tired, sick and still not losing any weight.

This is also about 3 years ago….I think this is the heaviest point and I stayed there for almost 3 years.   I was constantly tired, I hated having pictures taken, I felt like crap most of the time and the fatigue was mentally draining as well as physically.

Don’t get me wrong there were lots of happy moments but it was hard and I tried to complain as little as possible but I knew there was something wrong with me but no one could tell me anything.
Some of you will know….some of you went back and read about it, but I slipped into a really deep depression at the end of last year.  I was so tired of feeling sick, feeling like crap and I was really sad.

Long story short it turns out that I have been vitamin deficient for a long time.  You can go back and read all about how we found out and the symptoms that it mimics but it was a pivot point for me.

So this is me at the beginning of January…I have been taking the vitamin regime for a month and a half…I have already lost 10 pounds but I am already feeling like a super star.

Here I am on voting day in May….down 25 pounds and feeling amazing.   Mentally and physically I don’t even feel like the same person any more.

Here I am from like a week and a half ago….I am down 26 pounds, I am down 2 dress sizes, I am able to do so much more than I ever could and I feel fantastic! 

I have a lot of work to do…but I think I am on the right track.   I move more, I make better choices, my body is healing and so is my spirit.

I was feeling a bit low….but that darn sausage casing…..uh bathing suit really helped me see I am on the right path.   

Are you guys excited for the European version of the blog????  

I am…..22 days and counting.


Helen said…
You're amazing!

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