Thursday, April 14, 2016

Relationships (very candid....don't read if you don't want to know)

Last night I attending this class about relationships, dating, the baggage you carry and the talk you say to yourself without even knowing it.    This morning when I got up my Facebook offered up a host of memory posts as it does every day and it got me thinking.

The last two weeks every morning my memory posts have been flooded with this amazing adventure that Chris and I took to Mexico and I haven't been sharing them because we are no longer in a relationship and that kind of made me sad.    Not that we are broken up but that I don't get to share this amazing memories because we aren't together.

I have been fortunate/unfortunate enough to have been married to two wonderful/charismatic/infuriating/loving etc etc men.   Some of you who are new around here may not know that.   Sorry guys but I am about to post pictures of you....

Can you not see the mischief here???

1n 1997 I met Cory, he was crazy and funny and we had a very tumultuous but awesome time together.    Looking back now we might have gotten married because we had been dating for so long.   We had been through a TON together and we didn't want to break up and we loved each other.

It took me a long time to accept but Cory found another girl and hindsight now shows me it was fate.   These two are so perfect together.   I know from her posts that sometimes she faces some of the same frustrations I faced but she also gets all the good stuff and even more because they truly belong together!

Our divorce was really hard on me and I swore I would never get married again but then one day in 2007 I met a new boy....

The genuine cheesy grin and easy going nature is one of the things I loved best!!!

Chris and I were instantly best friends, we had a great time together and could talk for hours about pretty much anything.   I was over the moon when we married and we had a really good run.  We were constantly being told to get a room, we kissed all the time and wrote each other cute messages all over Facebook.   But something happened and it broke. 

Our divorce was pretty amicable and I am still licking my wounds a bit but I am happy for him.   He, like Cory, has found someone very special to him.

Other than 28 months between these two men where I purposefully did not date....I have been a serial monogamous.   I have had a number of long term relationships, many of whom have met someone very special during or after me.

You are drifting Tara...what was this blog about again?   Oh yeah that negative self talk and what I bring to relationships.

I have not had a relationship of any substance, ever, that has not had someone be unfaithful to me.   Some had wondering eyes, some wondering words, and some just flat out cheated on me.    I have to wonder what is wrong with me?

Now get off your high horse.....I am not saying I make people be unfaithful nor am I taking responsibility for someone else's actions.   But something she said last night struck a chord.

We all carry these negative thoughts inside of us and they cloud what we see and how we react.

My core belief is ALL MEN CHEAT, I know very few men who haven't.....but you know I bet if I started to write out all the names the list of those who don't is probably longer.  I also know a lot of women who do to.

But because I have this core belief and a handful of traumatic experiences,  I automatically mistrust all men and I can point to times in my life when I automatically accused/assumed this belief of a partner.  

Sometimes I was right and sometimes I wasn't but the point here is that I pushed away from my partners because SEX IS POWER and  ALL MEN WANT IS SEX!   and I couldn't allow someone to use it against me I could withhold/withdraw from my partner and then I wouldn't have to care about them doing something wrong.

Once my head shut down I could shut down my heart and squeeze my partner out.  

And this is where I have gone wrong....I shut out my partners.  

I did not talk to them, I did not engage and do the work.   I shut them out and sometimes I walked away because it is so much easier.  My confirmation bias kicked in and I was able to say "SEE ALL MEN CHEAT"

Do I think I should have stayed in all my relationships....heck no...but I am certain I could have saved one or both of my marriages by being a more engaged and loving partner.   I need to work on getting closer not further away when things get rough.   I doubt the soldiers who are protecting someone fan out further instead of clustering around someone they mean to save.

Hard lessons...some of which have taken a long time to learn.    I think before I get into anything else I need to figure out what my other core beliefs are.  

I need to work on my relationship with myself too.   I have a tremendous amount of negative self talk.   I have LITERALLY piled on protection around me.   Fat girls don't get raped, Fat girls don't have to worry about relationship woes.  (I actually figured this one out a few years ago...but health complications have made it very hard to knock the weight back off) but then I started to beat myself up for being fat.

I am worthless, no one loves a fat girl, I am gross, I am stupid....I can't even begin to tell you all the negative stuff I say to myself....sigh.  I am horrible.

But today I didn't, today I woke up and said:


and tomorrow I will do it again.    Its not going to change my self talk over night, its not going to solve my relationship issues but maybe just maybe it will start the day out positive instead of negative.

I do desire to have a long lasting love...I love being in love.   I want to meet that person who I spend the rest of my days hearing "oh good lord you two get a room".   I want to find a partner, a friend, a co-fighter, but I can't do that until I fix me first.   Love me first.

Maybe I should take myself on a date LOL

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think.


Friday, March 11, 2016

Review - Usana Reset

Its been a while since i wrote here, but I thought this would be the best place to host my review.

What is the Usana Reset?  according to their website:

Reset is a 5 day Jumpstart that is a nutritionally balanced, low-calorie system to help you kick carbohydrate cravings and lose the first few pounds and find the motivation to keep working toward your total weigh-loss goal.   Reset helps people jumpstart healthy eating habits and begin to make a clean break from unhealthy, high-glycemic foods.

Reset is meant to be followed up by a 2 month program that tapers off of their food product and into a Low GI diet.   

This review is specifically about the 5 day reset.  Here is how the week shapes up:

You can buy the products online but they recommend you buy the actual reset package that includes a DVD and other extra's.

I have a close contact who sells Usana and they just bought me the items I needed to complete the days.

Lets take a look at the different things my week was made up of:

Three of these a day...yum yum

To make sure you have enough nutrition, you take supplements twice a day

I chose to buy 5 pieces of fruit and 5 servings of veggies and then cut it up so i had an assortment all 5 days

I am not a fan of strawberry and vanilla flavours so i did Chocolate all 5 days, three shakes a day

The best way to do the snacks is to either customize your reset box or share with a friend so you get some of each

If you are really hungry you can use the Fibre to extend the staying power.    Most of my shakes had this.

If you are starving its says you can add another veggie or you can have a low GI meal.    I did have a hard boiled egg half of the nights which is ultra low GI and filling enough.
This was my saviour....just the ability to have a real food other than the fruit and veggies
 I wanted to do the reset because I noticed that i was "treating" myself with sweets WAY to often and that i was eating a lot of processed foods and doing so mindlessly.   Its so easy to fall into bad habits and not even notice.   I was looking forward to seeing if this actually broke the craving.

So lets break it down....

Day 1 - The shake was grainy and by the time 3pm rolled around i was unable to stay awake.   I actually nodded off at my desk.    When i got home i was exhausted and was fast asleep by 8:00pm.   The supplements are stinky and make my pee NEON yellow....i mean like i ate a highlighter. hahaha.

Day 2 - Added more ice to the shake in the blender, not totally enjoying the one at lunch with no ice.  Again so exhausted i fell asleep twice.   Woke up with a low grade headache and was gumpy as heck.

Day 3 - I think i got this iced shake thing down.   I use the bullet blender and fill the large cup up to the second line (approx 1 1/2 cups of water) and blend.    if you put the powder then the water it doesn't mix as well.   Still not enjoying the lunch shake,  Less tired today but still hungry at night.   I don't think its habit, my tummy is rumbling so i ate a hard boiled egg.   Headache seems to have passed by this evening.

Day 4 - Do you have any idea how many tv commercials are for food?   i would have knocked over a toddler to steal a steak.  Actually feeling pretty good but getting a bit sick of the shakes.   Finding that i am not having my normal cravings.   Don't want pop or bread or candy....really really really want meat!   Having a hard time swallowing the stinky supplements but they go down and stay down.

Day 5 - I made the perfect shake for breakfast, of course i did....its the last day!   Full energy but still not consuming enough food to keep off the hungries.   Not needing much more but maybe i am just burning to many calories during the day?   Went shopping to pick up some groceries for the next few days and was starving, which is always a bad time to shop.  but i walked down the candy aisle and didn't want anything, no pop, or chips or crackers.   What i wanted was veggies and some meat!!!   I picked up a few nice steaks and some chicken!

  • Dropped 5 pounds in a week
  • Not craving sugar at all
  • Feel confident about starting a reduced calorie "diet"
  • Got really excited about some veggie recipes
  • REALLY liked the protein bars - all three are yummy, peanut is AMAZING!
  • I appear to be sleeping better.
  • My pee was NEON YELLOW
  • The supplements smell bad
  • The shake without ice is grainy
  • Even with the egg its just over 1300 calories per day - hard if you are doing physical activity
  • Made me tired.
  • Kind of expensive....but that being said i would likely have spent as much or more if i bought food and vitamins for a week.

I would actually recommend this reset.   Though it was hard to start, It was a good way for me to become conscious and intentional about what i want to put in my body.  The 5 pounds lost is lovely but likely water weight.

I think if you have the money to do this, you should do the next two phases.  The transform phase you do two shakes a day and lasts 28 days.   The Maintain phase is another 28 days with only 1 shake.   Your meal choices need to be Low GI, and you can find a TON of amazing recipes online.

My advice is to Blend the shakes with ice and make a slurpee out of it it was actually really yummy when you get it right!

Whats next?

I am not dieting, I want to make life change and i want to eat healthy.  I am trying to stick to nice lean protein and fresh veggies and much less carbs/starch.   Trying to make the right choices.  

  • I will not beat myself up for eating something i want
  • I will be kind to myself
  • Each day i will tell myself three things i like about me that day
  • I will eat less and move more
  • I won't give a number on a scale power over me
thanks for reading....let me know if you want to try the reset...I can hook you up!


Thursday, October 2, 2014

Film Review - Gone GIrl

This one is going to be short and sweet....its late and I am tired!   Tonight I went to see the advanced screening for Gone Girl - read more about it here

Have you read this book??  I really think that you should, the book was amazing and this was one of the best book adaptations I have seen in a long time!   If you don't want spoilers this is the time to turn and right to the theater and see this!

This movie stars Ben Affleck as Nick Dunne, a man who has been accused of the murder of his missing wife.  Rosamund Pike plays Amy Dunne, the missing and assumed murdered wife.  Ben was the perfect casting for Nick, this ability to be lovable and a total smug dick at the same time!   Rosamund does a very convincing straight up psycho!  Really the casting in this movie was spot on, as far as I am concerned anyway!

I don't want to give away the twist on which the book and movie rely, but if you haven't read the book hold on to your seats and get ready for a ride!!

This movie clocks in at 149 minutes, but let me tell you, it goes by so fast you don't even realize it.   This movie had more than a few laugh out loud moments and I think Gillian Flynn did a fantastic job taking it from book to screenplay.   She made a few changes to the end of the movie from the book, but nothing that takes away from the story.

I totally would have paid to see this movie and been very happy!   Let me know what you think!


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Girl Guide Cookies and the GMO Controversy

Have you heard the news?:

A Victoria Girl Guide and her Mother have started a campaign to boycott Girl Guide Cookies until they remove the GMO ingredients from the cookies.

Here is what National had to say about it.   Dare says that they conform to Canadian Standards.   Is this fight really not then with the Canadian Standards, should the petition not be to the Government of Canada to limit the use of GMO ingredients in our products?

I just heard about this issue last weekend, someone had seen 1 article about it and we had a discussion about how we felt about it.    Today I got an email in my mailbox from a worried Guide leader who had taken her girls out cookie selling and one girl came back in tears having been yelled at for selling poison.   When I logged into my girl guide account I found a whole string of emails about this same issue.

here is what I have to say about it:

As a long time Girl Guide Member I wanted to put in my two cents on this story, When we sell girl guide cookies, we are in fact selling cookies not dinner, not health food but cookies.

While I whole heartedly agree that eating ALL NON GMO would be amazing we have to be realistic, that is not the state of the world today. We can (and maybe should) petition Dare to change their cookies just like Christie should change oreos and Dads should change their goodie rings. At this point in time it is difficult to throw a rock a not hit a food that has a GMO product in it…in fact not just foods but also products such as body lotion, shampoo and even soaps.

By boycotting Girl Guide Cookies instead of petitioning Canada to change its laws around GMO products or  Dare to change all their products you are doing nothing but hurting the Girls involved in Girl Guides. To insinuate that by selling these cookies girls are not living up to the Guiding promise and law is ridiculous.

We do teach the girls about healthy living and healthy choices and we have pushed against the wheels of the machine to have the cookies made more healthy, but in the end the reality is if we go strictly organic, with a smaller producer those boxes of cookies will go from $5.00 a box to $16.00 a box if we hope to gain any profit for the girls to actually have program and go to camp.

When you buy a box of cookies from girl guides you are not really buying cookies, you are supporting young girls as they go away to camp and learned to become empowered members of society, just like this young girl who has taken an interested in non GMO foods.

At this time, this is our only source of fundraising and we appreciate the people who will continue to help support the girls through the sale of girl guide cookies.

I like what this article had to say - "This year, I will still buy the cookies my colleague brings in to the office, but I probably won’t eat them — if they contain GMOs. Maybe next year I’ll be able to eat them again.

I urge you to show your support for the Girl Guides, and for a better world"  

I think most people do not understand what Cookie Selling means to the girls in Girl Guides.  Here is a poster that tells all about it:

I have to let you know....its not like the share that comes from each carton of cookies is huge either!   most of the money goes directly to the Unit at $10 to 11 per case (so each girl raises a total of $44 per year) to cover all the things mentioned above.   as it goes up the levels it is way smaller....Area only keeps $0.75 (thats 75 cents folks) to cover all the other stuff!   the major portion of the rest of the money goes to Dare to cover the cost of making the cookies.

Tomorrow is International Day of the Girl (IDG) a day to commemorate and support girls' rights, and to end global gender inequality.  This initiative was created to bring world focus to the challenges that girls face in their everyday lives, and to encourage governments and communities to address these challenges. As a girl-serving organization and a member of the largest voluntary movement for girls and women worldwide, Girl Guides of Canada (GGC) felt compelled to help make this day a reality.
Lets focus on this rather than trashing the reputation of the Girl Guides or trying to halt the one and only method of fundraising these girls have.

I appreciate each and every one of you that has bought cookies in the past to support our desire to help raise generations of women who are self sustaining, community oriented and empowered to be all that they can be!   

If you would like to buy cookies and haven't yet seen one of our adorable girls out selling please see the cookie map - and go find some cookies!  Remember in reality you are supporting the girls and in return they give you a box of cookies!   


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A summer of Movie Premieres - I love Advanced Screenings!

So i have been lax in writing about all this but I have had an amazing summer of Advanced Movie Screenings!

It all started when Mom and I went to see The Heat - at the End of June.
  • This movie was hilarious!  completely UN-PC but seriously funny.   I heard a rumour that they may make a part 2 and I will be lining up to see it.   Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy are a hilarious match up and do a great job in this buddy cop movie.    Move over boys - these two are coming for you!
Chris and I went to see Red 2 
  • I personally liked the first movie better, but this one was great as well.   The actors and script stayed true to the characters that had been developed in the first movie and sent them on a new adventure.   I love Helen Mirren and her car chase - shoot em up scene was epic!    However, having watched the trailers you saw most of the good parts.
Mom and I went to see The Way Way Back 
  • I am madly in love with this movie and can't say enough amazing things about it!   Its from the same guys who did Juno and Little Miss Sunshine, so you knew it was going to be crazy indie awesome and it totally was.   Steve Carell plays a total jerk and is so convincing, I am not sure I can ever see him as Michael Scott again!  The main character Duncan is played by Liam James who I have never seen before but who was incredibly brilliant and captured an awkward 14 year old boy right down to the way he walked and held his hands.  Sam Rockwell was so incredibly sweet in this movie that I am super in love with him now!   This is a great movie about one summer in this young boys life and I highly recommend you take the time to watch it!   I thought I was the only person on the planet the called that part of the car the Way Way Back....but apparently I was wrong!
Lets see....what came next?  I think that would be Denise and I going to In a world
  • written, directed and starred in by the super talented Lake Bell, this movie is a total indie hipster flick about a girl trying to break into the all male world of voice overs.   The quick wit and fast pace of this movie kept us laughing and loving all the characters in their own flawed way!   This was awkward and weird and funny and I think it may have been almost as good as The Way Way Back.
A week ago I took Mom, Dad and Chris to the advanced screening of Jobs
  • If you like Biopics then you might like this one, personally I thought it was a waste of my hour and a half!   The only thing I saw that I did not know about Steve Jobs was he was a gigantic asshole with a capital A!    It could be because the theater was a million degree's but I couldn't wait for this movie to end.   That being said I was a bit miffed when it did.   It sort of just doesn't bring it back around to where you were at the beginning of the movie or even to the end of his life...its starts to head that way and then just ends.   If you are a true apple geek you may love this movie...I did not!
Next one up is tomorrow - I just won passes to Getaway with Ethan Hawke -

I will let you know what I think!

Let me know if you have seen these movies and what you thought!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

#bzzagent review - Crest Pro Health Challenge

I did the Crest pro health challenge for just over two weeks and then had to stop.   I have some pro's and a few cons for these products.   First let me tell you about the products:

  • NEW Crest® Pro-Health® PROFRESH Toothpaste is a smooth toothpaste, using a Polyflourite SystemTM that combines ActivClean CrystalsTM with therapeutic, antibacterial fluoride. It’s an all-in-one toothpaste to fight cavities, plaque, tartar, gingivitis and tooth sensitivity.
  • Oral-B CrossAction® Pro-Health® Toothbrush is the all-in-one brush for a cleaner, healthier mouth**, providing 7 oral care benefits for every use
  • Crest® Pro-Health™ Multi-Protection Rinse is an antibacterial mouthwash, killing germs that cause plaque, gingivitis and bad breath (without the burning sensation of alcohol)


  • The toothpaste has a good taste and did not leave a sickly sweet taste in my mouth.
  • The toothbrush was gentle and did not hurt my gums.
  • The toothpaste does not have SLS's or lots of them anyway.  These are the products that cause foam in toothpaste and soaps that are heavy on the drying agents.   They can cause severe dry and cracked skin and lips (in the case of toothpaste or lipgloss)
  • The mouthwash is alcohol free which makes my dentist happy.


  • The mouthwash leaves a very sickly sweet aftertaste in my mouth like sucking on candies
  • The toothbrush is huge and actually made me gag when I brushed the back teeth
  • The toothpaste did not cover my sensitive teeth at all, within days I had discomfort and by the end of the two weeks it was agony.   I had to discontinue.

That being said, I would recommend this regime to anyone who does not have sensitive teeth.   I am sure with longer use I would have seem more marked improvement in the whiteness of my teeth and my gums feel quite healthy.   Let me know if you would like any other info on this product!

Disclaimer: I am a buzzagent and I received this product for free to try.   This opinion is my own.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Finally.....shutterfly did another amazing deal...and I can print off our mexico book!! YAY

Here it is....Chris and My trip to Mexico!  Our sort of honeymoon since I got incredibly sick and ended up in the hospital on our real one!

Just in time for our anniversary!

You'll love award-winning Shutterfly photo books. Start your own today.

Hope you enjoy!