Being Unemployed

As many of you may know I lost my job in September.    I was very optimistic that I would have no issues finding a job, I mean I live in  BC!  Christy Clark told me I am at the head of the BC Job Creation Machine. I joke but its partly true, here I am, I live in a province touting job creation and prosperity and I am VERY good at what I do!  

I was let go without cause and told my position was no longer needed.   The very next day my employer, the BC government (the one who told me they were creating jobs) announced a hiring freeze!   No worries right? as I already said, I am really good at what I do!  I mean look at this summary of my skills:

• Excellent Working knowledge of many standard computer programs 
• Working knowledge of JUSTIN, ROTA, and Maximizer
• Lifetime learner – taken several career advancement courses
• Bachelors Degree – Major in Psychology and Extended Minor in Criminology 
• Excellent customer service, interpersonal, research and organizational skills
• Valid BC Drivers License and clean drivers abstract
• 4 years supervisory experience
• 7 years interviewing and external customer service experience (not including reception)
• 13 years experience teaching, leading groups, peer tutoring and peer counselling 
• 18 years administrative experience
• 22 years volunteer experience

So what is the problem....why am I still unemployed? Well I don't think the hiring freeze helped, as well did you know that our unemployment rate is actually up to 7% now?

The first two months, while I was still on severance, I focused primarily on trying to find a job in mental health, health care, education etc.   Something that would help me use my new degree and help build new skills.   I quickly found that I was woefully under qualified for most of the jobs I found.   So I started to focus  my search on administrative or supervisory roles in institutions that I would eventually like to end up in.    

I have to tell you the competition has been stiff!   I have put out over 135 applications since September!  I have had a handful of testing rounds, several interviews and a couple of second interviews.  However, nothing has come of it so far.   I always ask for feedback if I have a good interview and here are a few things I have heard:

"You were amazing and it was down to you and another girl, it was so close that in the end it came down to" words per minute (typing) and you scored 62 and she scored 65"

"I know we weren't looking for a CA, but the candidate who won had a CA and we work with a lot of CA's so we thought it would be a great fit"

"We really believed this job was below you and that you would get bored and quit in 3 months, we will keep your resume on file in the event a more senior position comes up"

"We had a very difficult choice, we only had 1 position.  We received 144 applications, we narrowed it down to 14 for testing, 5 for interviews (I made it this far) and the candidate we selected had more supervisory experience that you did"

And it goes on....So, for some I am too qualified and for some I am not qualified enough!  The market is tough I have heard over and over about postings where the sheer number of applications that come in are overwhelming.  I applied for an executive assistant position for which I was very qualified and they phoned me because they were doing pr- interviews to try and narrow down the 200 applications they had received for the job!  I was passed on to the HR manager but as of now I haven't heard anymore.   I do know that this posting is still open though.

I am still optimistic that I will find something soon and I continue to send out as many applications as I can each week.   I have also connected with several temp agencies to try and get either a few days here or there or a "temp to hire" position.

If you have made it all the way to the end of this post and you are the praying kind, I would love the extra prayers and support!   I know the right position will come when it is supposed to but it is hard to be patien and trust some times!

Review - Central City Brewing

This past Sunday my hubby wanted to take me out for brunch to celebrate hallmark day (valentines) and to celebrate that he finally has one day off on the weekend with me again!

We have been to Central City Brewing several times and after having breakfast I thought I just had to write and let you fine people know about this place!   They do not have a huge menu filled with a ton of options but they have a good selection of food that they do very very well!.  You can check out their menu here.

They produce their own beer under the Red Racer label and it is brewed and shipped out of this location in Central City, Surrey BC.  Many of their menu items have some kind of beer infused item, for example the breakfast meat is cured in beer and it is quite good!

Let me tell you about our brunch:

Chris had the Denver Omelette which came with two sausages, pan fries and toast.   The omelette was cooked perfectly and was fluffy and filled with ham and veggies.   The pan fries are crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside, the perfect pan fry in my opinion.   The sausages were quite good, but took me by surprise as the flavour was stronger than I usually expect from a breakfast sausage.   

I had the french toast and bacon and I was worried.   French toast is a tough one, it is either dry and hard or super wet and mushy in the middle.   This french toast uses french bread and was perfect!   Not too dry, not too wet and had a hint of vanilla and maybe cinnamon, possibly orange zest too.   SO GOOD!  They served it with warm REAL maple syrup on the side.  The one downside, is that I felt the bacon was under cooked, however I prefer my bacon crispy and I did not ask for it this way.   Chris ate it and said it was great.

We arrived at the restaurant just after it opened and we started the flow of patrons.  Always a good sign!   The restaurant was clean and the bathrooms are too!  The staff are very friendly and always knowledgeable about the food.

In the three times that we have been, I have never had to ask for a refill or felt neglected.   In fact the first time I went there, we had asked quite a number of questions and were taking pics of our food so the manager came over and talked to us about their vision, where the ingredients are sources from (all as local as possible) and made sure we enjoyed our meal!

One stand out dish is their Crispy Cheese sticks (see below)  - this is an Agassiz farmhouse stout aged cheddar, fried till crispy with a jalapeno blueberry compote!  I could eat these all day!  They come out hot and the cheese is stringy and tasty on its own, add the dip and its heavenly!

 I had their pulled pork sandwich was really good, and the slaw they served was a perfect compliment.   The pulled pork was not dripping with sauce but had a good amount of their stout bbq sauce mixed in!   They have recently changed their desserts but the maple bacon cheesecake, if it ever comes back you must must must eat!   I am looking forward to the next time we go and I am going to try the peanut butter pie!

Finally you can't talk about this restaurant without talking about the beer.   They have their standards on tap all the time and like all good micro brews they have a specialty beer.   When we went for dinner in the summer I had a raspberry lager and it was crisp and refreshing.   I can't say I would have wanted to drink 5 pints as it was slightly sweet but it was the perfect compliment to the pulled pork and coleslaw.

When we went for brunch Chris ordered the Manmosa, which was their white ale mixed with OJ and it was suprisingly good.  

I highly recommend you come on down and have dinner at the Central City Brew Pub in Surrey BC.  If you do, stop back and let me know what you think!

Tara

2012 at a glance

Hello all,

So as you know I have decided to do Project 365 this year!   Well I got a code for a shutterfly book, so we decided to do a quick look back at 2012!   We will get a hardcover book but here is the layout for your to check out!  

Its super easy to create a good looking shutterfly book, so go check them out.   The link is just below the book!

Click here to view this photo book larger

Create your own personalized photo books at Shutterfly.com.

January 2013

Here we are at the beginning of the new year!

No bullshit about how I am going to do this or that, I just dissapoint when I do that!

This year Chris and I are looking forward to continue to try for a family, and just generally enjoying our life if that does not happen for us.   We hope to spend lots of quality time with friends and family and we pray that this year will find us in good paying, fulfilling jobs!

Speaking of jobs, I am still looking and I hope that if you hear anything you will let me know.   I also ask that you pray for Chris and I while we struggle through this time.   My last severance cheque is on friday and I have two interviews this week.   I have a handful of outstanding applications out as well.   We are trying not to be worried.   We have saved as much as we could and hope that will carry us through.  

I can apply for EI on Friday, but that will mean 2 weeks waiting period and that waiting for the first cheque to come.   The cheque will not be anything close to what I was making before and we are in a lease.

We are very very optimistic about this new year and we hope that you are too!   Our sincere prayer is that you find true joy, real love, complete health, the wealth you need and the wisdom to see it all.

I am going to try and do the 365 photo challenge this year and then do a year book with those photos.  Here is my first photo!  

I chose this photo as my first one because this is one of the best places in the world.   We love to sit out on our patio and enjoy the view while we hang out together.   We spent a number of lovely nights out there eating amazing food in the summer and Chris has taken to taking photos off the balcony most nights.

I remember

Today is remembrance day and I will remember not only those who have past but those who still fight.

Our lives are the way they are today because we rode on the back of our great grandfathers, grandfathers, our fathers and mothers, our sons and daughters and our friends.  

Today I am thankful for these people who have taken up the cross and walked into hell to try and end tyrany.    For those of you who have known me for a long time you know (and may be thinking WTF)...I do not support war but I do support our troops.   I think this is a distinction that needs to be made for me.

I am proud to be Canadian and that our legacy is more that of a peacekeeper than a war monger!  I have friends who are currently part of the Canadian and American military and I pray for them a lot and I ask each of you today to get on our knees and not only thank our veterans and soldiers for what they did/do for you but to pray for peace.

It doesn't matter if you believe in God, send it out to the universe....can war, tyrany, poverty and hate win out when we all want peace?

I pray that God will flood the world with peace and that all can live in safety and harmony.
T

World Suicide Prevention Day

A heavy topic for a Monday, and  Monday filled with joy in my world!

• I am excited about vacation
• I have an amazing husband and I adore him
• I just spent an awesome evening my with family
• I got little boy cuddles from both of my adorable nephews
• Today is my Dad's Birthday
• Today is Angels first day in a new job
• Today is Karyn and Tamara's wedding day
• We are all healthy and happy 
• I have a good paying job and a beautiful apartment
• I am blessed and loved by God.

But this was not always the case in my life and I know in the lives of many others.   Today I felt compelled to share my story in case you needed to hear it:

In 1997 my life took a pivotal turn....I had made the decision to attend Bible College and after only a week there I was in a terrible car accident.   Thankfully no one was seriously injured and only the cars were destroyed but I was left with a tremendous amount of pain and some health issues that have lingered to this day.

Shortly after this I was approached by a woman who had been praying for me and she told me that God has spoken to her and she wanted to know when I would break my silence.   I immediately broke into tears and knew that it was time to end my silence.   Out of respect for others I will not go into details but something horrible had happened to me for many years in fact several horrible things.   She invited me to join a support group run by a psychologist and I began my "spanish lessons", yup that's what are secret little group called it...Spanish Lessons! LOL.  

I was empowered to take back a piece of my life but it meant not hiding it any more.   When I went to my family to talk to them it went great with my immediate family but not so with the extended.   For quite some time I was shunned and not believed.

So now I am in pain and feeling awfully hurt in my heart.    Later that year as school was wrapping up a close family friend of ours lost his battle with Cancer and I happened to be near home during the service (i was on tour singing with the Choiristers).    I went home to Edmonton with a heavy heart after a painful episode with my extended family and decided that I was going to try and stay in Edmonton and work.   I had decided not to return back to school as I had become disillusioned with my faith, with people, with life.

I had not idea but I was already sliding  into my first major depressive episode.   I had a very difficult time finding work in Edmonton and my sister helped me secure a job at home.   I had been living with my best friend and her three kids and I felt incredibly guilty about sponging off them when they had so little.   I decided to return home and she was furious with me.   We ended up getting into a huge fight and eventually I had to phone the police to help me come get my things from her house.   I was so devastated that I sobbed uncontrollably until after we passed Jasper.  

I skipped a step....While in Edmonton I met a man and he decided to come to Vancouver with me.    We tried hard to make it work but life was becoming very difficult for me.   I was so sad all the time, I put on a brave face for everyone because that is what I was thought I was supposed to do, but deep inside something had snapped.   Cory and I had started fighting a lot, he was having a hard time keeping a job and I was having a hard time with life.

It started off really wierd, like every time I drove across the bridge I would imagine what it would be like if I would just turn the wheel and drive off.   I would try and laugh it off.   Many times I would just end up in the car crying and crying wondering why I was so crazy.   I don't really know how it started, but I started stealing and hoarding medication....If a staff member had pills in their desk I would take a couple, I even stole someone's meds from the laundry room.   I kept them in a bottle in my purse.   One day after a huge fight with Cory I finally snapped, I went to the basement at my parents, I swallowed a handful of pills and sat down to watch tv.  

I ended up calling my best friend and she wasn't home, her mom noticed that something was wrong  by the way I was talking and to be honest I am not really sure what happened after that.   I know I went to the hospital....I can't remember how I got there by ambulance or car.   I know my best friend called my parents upstairs to tell them something was wrong.   I remember being in the hospital and having to drink charcoal and I remember the shame of having everyone there.

That only made the aching pain and sadness worse.   I wanted to crawl in a hole and really die now!   I started seeing a psychiatrist and was prescribed Zoloft...this did not go well, I became psychotic.  I felt crazy all the time and the doctor told me to just let them work.   After a particularly huge fight with Cory in which we broke most of the plates we owned, he stormed out and I went into the bathroom and slit my wrists.   Well tried to anyway...it hurt like hell and I didn't do it right, I bled all over the bathroom and then curled up on the couch.

Again I am a bit fuzzy on the details here, I think he came back to get his crap, saw me, called Jenn and said she did it again and I am getting on a plane and he left.   After that I went back to the psychiatrist and got put on Paxil which worked great for me.

The worst part of this whole story is that while I had been in university in Alberta, I had been the team lead for the Suicide Prevention Hotline.    I was just so mired in my own personal hell that I couldn't figure it out on my own.

It took a long time for me to feel better and to put the shame behind me.   Seeing the psychologist and taking medication worked for me.   Life isn't perfect, after Cory and I divorced I went through another major depressive episode, but knowing the signs I reached out for help and with some intervention and some Wellbutrin (amazing stuff!) I was back on the right road again.

I still have little funks but I make sure that I take my vitamins, get lots of sleep and try to eat healthy.  When the weather gets dark, sometimes I go for a tanning session or make sure I fill my days with things that bring my joy.   Some days you just have to fake it until you make it!

So why unload all this?   Well maybe someone out there in the great wide internet just needed to hear that you are not alone.   That there is someone else who has carried that heavy weight and who will gladly help you carry your weight!   You can message me or email me or you can call a Helpline!

Here is a list of the helplines  for all over the world and you don't have to wait to call them until  you have a handful of pills.   Sometimes it just helps to talk to someone who isn't involved in your life.   No one will laugh at your problem or tell you that you shouldn't feel the way you do.  

If you look at my story I had a series of bad things happen, not one of them was life ending but when I piled them all one on top of the other and combined that with a chemical imbalance in my brain, it was unbearable to me.    It was like a pile of tiny pebbles covering me, no pebble alone would hurt me.  I probably could have even dealt with a few handfuls of pebbles at once.   But as each one piled on the other I was buried alive under the weight.

Here is some info for you, if you are concerned that you are or someone you know is feeling depressed or thinking about suicide:

What Are Symptoms of Depression?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:

• Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
• Fatigue and decreased energy
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
• Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
• Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
• Irritability, restlessness
• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
• Overeating or appetite loss
• Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

Are There Warning Signs of Suicide With Depression?

Depression carries a high risk of suicide. Anybody who expresses suicidal thoughts or intentions should be taken very, very seriously. Do not hesitate to call your local suicide hotline immediately. Call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) -- or the deaf hotline at 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889).

Warning signs of suicide with depression include:

• A sudden switch from being very sad to being very calm or appearing to be happy
• Always talking or thinking about death
• Clinical depression (deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating) that gets worse
• Having a "death wish," tempting fate by taking risks that could lead to death, such as driving through red lights
• Losing interest in things one used to care about
• Making comments about being hopeless, helpless, or worthless
• Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, changing a will
• Saying things like "It would be better if I wasn't here" or "I want out"
• Talking about suicide (killing one's self)
• Visiting or calling people one cares about

What you need to remember is that:

Depression is an illness, its not something to be ashamed of or hide.   

There are treatments and they can change your life!   That black hole...it doesn't need to consume you and I am telling you from personal experience.

PLEASE talk to someone!  anyone!  I want you to know that I am here supporting you, praying for you and loving you unconditionally!

Tara

I got to meet Jenny Lawson and COPERNICUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so this took a little longer to write than I thought!

I was sure I would get home from our little trip to Seattle, finish packing my bag for camp and sit down and write you an awesome blog!  HAHHAHAHAHHA

Not even close....

Okay so just in case you live in a cave you need to go read the bloggess....any post will do but I really love this one:  http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

This was the very first post of hers I read and then I had to go back and read all the other ones, she really is that funny!  I highly recommend subscribing to her feed.

Back on track...the reading!

Angel, Kam and I got up early and headed out to Seattle and of course we did a bit of shopping on the way down; I mean really, who can resist?  We found some great deals and excitedly headed to Costco, yup Costco!   We were so excited that we ended up getting there at 2:30 for the 6:30 start, sigh...

We thought we would scope out the signing area and then get a hot-dog and we were greeted with a pallet of books at the end of a row??  We found a supervisor and asked about where the reading would be and promptly found out that they though maybe they would grab her a chair and table but that was it.   MAYBE???   We walked all over the store looking for a place that would have been hiding the real place but to no avail.

We went and got hot-dogs and took our SUPER CHEAP purchases out to the car (seriously folks I got 2 bottles of 195 acid reflux pills for 9 bucks.....I can't even get 30 pills for that here!) and went back to see how the line-up was doing!

To our surprise, there was no one so we left Kam there and headed to the ladies room.   When we got back we stood there for about 35 seconds and people started to show up (what timing....).   The excitement in the line was palpable as we waited and got shuffled around.  It was touch and go for awhile there but I ended up being first in line (even though Angel kept trying to sneak in HAHAHHA)

We finally got to talk to the guy who was in charge of the signing and asked him what was up and why we were not going to get a reading.   Apparently he didn't think the book was family friendly.    I mean just because the chapter is called "Draw Me A Fucking Dog", doesn't mean the book is all bad right?

Then we saw her coming, and she is beautiful!   She had on a gorgeous patterned coral maxi dress and she truly seemed humbled and shocked that we bothered to show up (just another reason to adore her).  We let her get set up and then it was my turn!

She was very nice and I asked her if she would mind if I took a picture and she said "no go ahead of course"
and then she smiled and said "would you like a picture of me and copernicus?"  OH HELL YEAH!!!

and then she said "would you like a picture of me and you?"  OF COURSE!!!

She thanked me for coming such a long weigh and as Angel was coming up we told her how awesome we thought the book was and she said that the second one is already in the works YAY!!!

Guess what she wrote in my book?????   To Tara, You are Number 1!!  J Lawson!!!

Okay no exclamation points but It made me laugh so hard!   Angels is even awesomer!

When Angel was getting her picture taken, Jenny said something to Victor and we were all "ARE YOU VICTOR????" and he said NO!!!!  LMAO.   Angel wanted to take his picture and he preferred to stay behind the camera, so like a true Lawsbian, Angel says "can I take a picture of your shoe then?" and he laughed and said okay!

By this time, Kam was done so we waved our goodbyes and headed out to the car since we had another 3 hours or so till we got home.   but GUESS WHAT???   she did a reading!   I so wish we had stayed!   Maybe if we wish hard enough she will come to Vancouver for the next book.

I borrowed this picture from Jenny's Blog so I am not taking credit for this photo!

All in all, a super amazing day with some amazing friends.   I highly recommend you read this book, it is funny, heart tugging, irreverant and AWESOME!   You can find it here or here or at your fave book store!

So that's that!   Thanks for listening!   I will try and post about camp shortly cuz it was AWESOME!  I think I have a charmed life!

T