Tornado no longer?

Hey Y’all

Thought it was time for an update as it’s been a bit of a storm since I last updated everyone!

As you all know (all 3 of you who read this LOL) the last two years has really been a journey for me to get my physical, mental and spiritual self healthy. I have been working very slowly on creating better habits, moving more, eating better, reading more, forgiving more, finding gratitude etc….you know all the good things.

I have been feeling physically amazing since the surgery, I barely remembered what a day without pain felt like and now most of my days are pain free. I knew that I would experience some changes once my hormones were not all over the place and my body wasn’t in fight or flight every single moment of every day! However, I wasn’t really ready for the rollercoaster that has come.

On the plus side, I do not need all of the iron, vitamins and supplements I was taking just to be able to drag my feet along so that has made the morning routine better! I have been able to physically do more things and I have less inflammation as I am not popping pain killers like candy!

On the negative side, I started to notice a lot of other things that my body had shelved in the crisis.

I have struggled for a long time with binge eating or hiding my food intake and this was now becoming more of an issue. I started working with a counsellor and my medical doctor and we started untangling the messy knot of wool that is my life. It is harder to know what existed before and was tamped down or was just dealt with as “normal” while I dealt with life around me.

As my hormone levels started to settle in my new lower normal range and we started dealing with any ailments or issues, I also started to notice more things like:

I was having difficulty with motivation
I was struggling more and more to stay organized
My anxiety was getting higher but I wasn’t feeling as depressed
I was caring less about things
I was really stressed about my house being messy
I was feeling bone tired for no reason
I am exhausted but can’t stop fidgeting or wiggling
I was having INSANE sugar cravings
I was sabotaging my weight loss with impulsive choices
The mean bitch in my head was getting louder and meaner
I had 300 million projects and ideas and not one was being completed
I was feeling like a tornado was inside me
I can’t remember words or appointments
I was dreading phone calls, emails and responsibilities
Indecision and poor choices (like overspending…..)
Wishing I was a better adult, friend, family member, co worker

A lot of dissonance and competing emotions and thoughts all the time!

It took some talking and reading and thinking but one day I was talking with Denise and we were talking about insulin resistance and ADHD and I kept thinking…..wait ME TOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

So time to go back to the professionals and discuss with them, I don't want to be wasting time on things that aren't real and trying out "remedies" that aren't dealing with the root cause. I just want to keep working on getting better and feeling my best!….queue the vampires and assessments!

We ruled out thyroid, diabetes, iron deficiency, vitamin deficiencies, kidney issues and all the other normal culprits and that left us with just one thing.....

Today I was diagnosed with ADD, it is likely something I have dealt with all my life thinking back to “inability” to complete homework, messy room, low self esteem, binge eating etc. Being labelled as spacey, stupid, lazy, a slob….I did my best to do what I could to cope and learn to be a good adult, and for the most part I did okay…However, I can look back on waves of excellence and then giving up in exhaustion and these cycles repeating over and over! These manifested in manic actions, busy times, depression and sabotage!

So why now? My mom actually asked this, because she didn’t see any of the typical ADHD symptoms in me as a child. But as we know it looks different in girls….day dreaming, excessing talking, interrupting conversations, acting without thinking, wasting money….but instead they get labelled as chatter boxes, social butterflies, Shopaholics etc!

But have no fear….my parents did not fail me they are AMAZING!

So why now.....as I roll into my later adulthood?

Did you know that Estrogen is one of the things that can regulate other bodily functions and your ADD symptoms? So when they scooped out my faulty ovary and the Not-so-Cuterus, my body didn't go into menopause as I still have one ovary, but my periods stopped and my body started producing less Estrogen….

Estrogen affects your body’s ability to produce Dopamine, Serotonin and Norepinephrine!

So my already lower levels of those things went lower!

Hello poor food choices…..intense cravings for sugar, carbs, comfort foods, caffeine…..

Hello bone tired fatigue……

Hello inability to concentrate……

Hello lack of pleasure…..

Hello anxiety……procrastination, restless legs, loss of coordination, low self esteem, social withdrawal, tummy problems, sleep problems, headaches, tight muscles, grinding teeth, memory issues….

All the things that have made me feel like I have this amazing toolbox of things to make me a better, happier and healthier person but absolutely being unable to open that toolbox and use the tools effectively!

So what does this mean?

I am very in tune with my body…..I knew what it wanted and I gave it. So go me!! I told you I NEEDED chocolate, Tanya!!

Also, I have a much greater appreciation for my brain and body and how each little thing affects each other little thing.

Tomorrow I will start a new medication that should help me focus which should help me meet my goals and allow me to do the things that will help naturally increase my dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine which will help me focus and meet my goals LOL