The Daisy Field

 so guess what?? No brain tumor, brain bleed, loss of myelin or swelling!   No early Parkinson's...nothing out of the ordinary, just a regular brain up there!   We already know from the Endoscopy that there are no growths or polyps in my nasal passage or the top of my throat! so now what??? Why do I smell this mysterious cigarette smell, and why does Tom sometimes smell it now?   Just to be safe I am going to get a new carbon monoxide detector.   I think it must be a stress response, we both have been really tired and I have certainly had more headaches so for now I am just going to be stuck with Oh snap... I was just googling how to spell Phantosmia (smelling things that aren't there) so I didn't look like an idiot on here and it says common causes (that are not brain or polyp related) could be allergies, migraines or colds which we knew of course but it also says  DENTAL PROBLEMS. I literally just came from the dentist and he told me that the tooth that was hurting me the

Co-worker, member, partner, sister, friend, aunt..... and other assorted lies my body tells me. I know I have spoken about this before, but it bears repeating as I beat myself bloody in my own personal hell right now. Living with a non-visible illness and/or a not yet diagnosed illness really F&*(&ng sucks.   I am fully aware of what a flake I look like - what you think when I don't show up to a meeting or a rehearsal again.   When I say I can't/don't want to do a thing but I look fine. I want to be really honest, I am smiling but I am not fine.   I feel like crap most of the time, I don't want to complain to you anymore and I am worried.   I hate being the complainer, I hate having a messy house, I hate missing the thing, I hate not being more "on", I hate not finishing things or finishing them late, or falling behind or feeling like I shouldn't even bother because why would anyone care! I am aware that these are lies which is why I will try to do